Happiness

On Sunday I spoke in sacrament meeting with the topic: True Happiness, A Conscious Decision, and given a conference talk and Mosiah 2:41 to use as a starting point.  I've always enjoyed speaking in church, I know others don't, but I do.  I think part of the reason I enjoy it is because I get to spend the preceding weeks brainstorming and contemplating and pondering on what I want to say, why it is meaningful, trying to connect ideas in my head and ultimately cramming all that information down into 20 minutes with enough time to tell some jokes and some stories.  Preparing this talk was no different.  However, being in medical school lately and accustom to the necessity of supporting facts with peer-reviewed journal articles I spent a significant amount of time studying the topic of happiness from the academic world.  The most interesting thing I came across was some research done by Michael Norton, a Harvard Business Professor who has recently looked at how spending money on others leads to happiness for an individual, a community or even entire countries. This can best be summed up in this TED talk that he gave.  It is titled, How to buy happiness.  The point being, don't buy anything for yourself, but buy something for someone else.  It is pretty interesting.

I used a piece of this information in my talk on Sunday.  Other things that I mentioned include putting away social media to better connect with those important to us, finding joy in the little things of life (summed up with Lowell Bennion's quote on Learn to Like . . .), and how righteousness leads to happiness.  I started off the talk with the quick and easy line, you have to choose to be happy.  From this I told the (real) story about how on Saturday I was at a pizza place getting a slice of pizza when the guy next to me in line turned to me and said, Are you a guy or a girl?  It was at that moment that I was presented with the option to either choose to be happy or choose to be offended and unhappy.  Because I will likely lose my talk I decided to copy it below so I can retrieve it in the future.

And to extend Dr. Norton's ideas I decided to try the same plan of spending money on others to see if I too could buy happiness.  And since I was doing it with Katy I thought I would invite my seminary class to do it as well. On Monday morning I explained the whole idea a little more and then passed out $2 to each seminary student, telling them they had to spend it on someone else (not family members and preferably not close friends) by the time they returned to class the following morning.  It was tougher to do than I thought.  It is a rare occasion that an opportunity throughout the day arises in which you could spend a couple bucks on somebody else without it coming across as totally out of the ordinary.  The entire day passed and Katy and I had yet to spend our $2.  So at 9:10pm we stop by the DQ on our way home and waited for the next customer so I can buy him/her their ice cream.  A guy pulls up in a nice car and so I jump out of the car and somewhat follow him up to the window.  It is a bit awkward, offering to spend $2 on a guy who appears to be much better off than I am.  I introduce myself to him and tell him that I would like to buy him his ice cream.  At first he is pretty unsure of the whole idea, but when I reassure him that there are "no strings attached" he says, sure why not? and we have a nice little conversation.  His name was John, from Florida, just moved back here 6 months ago for work.  The experience made me think, when was the last time I had a conversation with a stranger?  The answer, I have no idea.  It's not exactly something that is human nature, to talk to people we don't know.

Katy had a similar but different experience.  After DQ she still had to spend her $2 and so she went and chatted with a homeless fellow on State and Liberty.  After a nice conversation she gave him just a couple bucks.  What Katy primarily got out of the experience was that we go through our busy days so routinely that we often don't have much of an idea about what is going on with the people around us.  She walks through downtown each day and probably sees a homeless person out each day, but like everyone else, is primarily thinking about what they have to do that day, not what others might need that day.  And no fault to her at all, it's just how we are (unfortunately) wired.

This morning in seminary all of our students (only 11) shared what they did with their money.  It was a funny 45 minutes where they each shared how they tried to spend their money, often times being rejected.  Sabrina and Cameron gave $1 each to two of their friends, Will was on a field trip and bought some vending machine food for a classmate who missed breakfast, Noah helped a guy who was pooling some money to retrieve and impounded car, Nick spent all of lunch period trying to talk to someone he didn't know so that he could spend the money - and at first was rejected by a sophomore ( not that cool when you are a senior trying to buy someone something), Joe is planning on buying a patient something today, Isaac gave his money to the bus driver and quickly jumped off the bus so the driver couldn't give the money back to him and Taylor bought 4 cookies and gave one to 4 of his friends.  All in all a good experience, something Katy and I will try to do a little more consistently during our busy time here in Ann Arbor.

Sacrament Meeting 3/24: FindingHappiness in Everyday Life

I’mClayton, she’s Katy.

Happiness:A new bike and the latest in fashion. 

Story:Temple

Choose:  Choose to be happy (Are you a guy or a girl?),choose to do things that bring happiness.

JosephSmith:  Happiness is the object anddesign of our existence.

LeoTolstoy: If you want to be happy, be.

Declarationof Independence: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness

So how canI get some of this happiness?

Will/Sabrina:  “There are a lot of things that bringpleasure, but don’t necessarily make you happy. It’s hard when you actually think about what makes you happy.”

                Happy:  Family, the Gospel, exercising, friends, goodmusic, chocolate muffins, the Spirit, Beef Jerky, Chipotle, sleep

                Unhappy: Tests, not gettingthings done, homework, when others make bad decisions, an empty wallet and gastank, unkind people, being lazy

Righteousness,Relationships, Boredom, The Great Race

Righteousness King Benjamin: “consider on theblessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God”

                Home Teaching and UMMS, 5000applicants, 700 interviews, 350 offers, 175 seats, Saturday – Wednesday

Relationships – BeingConnected

1971 Email,1983 AOL, 1995 Newsweek Magazine “The Internet? Bah! Hype Alert: Why cyberspaceisn’t, and will never be, nirvana

What'smissing from this electronic wonderland? Human contact. Computers and networksisolate us from one another. While the Internet beckons brightly, seductivelyflashing an icon of knowledge-as-power, this nonplace lures us to surrender ourtime on earth. A poor substitute it is, this virtual reality where . . . . importantaspects of human interactions are relentlessly devalued.

1998Google, 1999 “blog” 2001 Wikipedia,

2003Graduation

2003MySpace, 2004 Facebook, 2005 YouTube, 2006 Twitter, 2007 SmartPhones, 2010Instagram, 2011 Google Plus (desperate)

JoshKrogue:  Facebook Status, February 26 “Sittingin the study hall at U of M waiting for Whit. Right now I can see a total ofsix computer screens (including my own) and every single one is on FB. Don'tknow if the term "study hall" is appropriate...”

SeminaryStudents:  An average of 3 Social mediaaccounts.

I amguilty.

Multitasking:  Watch TV while checking my email, texting afriend and talking to my wife about an Instagram Post.

Communication:  Katy – Gchat, Dad, email, Mom Instagram,Nephew- FaceTime.  Phone?  Grandparents.

School:  All online? Question for a professor, get on Wikipedia.

Church: Sendingemails, studying anatomy, texting, even the dreadful Facebook

PresidentUchtdorf: Of Regrets and Resolutions

                In our day it is easy to merelypretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can “connect”with thousands of “friends” without ever having to face a single one of them.Technology can be a wonderful thing, and it is very useful when we cannot benear our loved ones. My wife and I live far away from precious family members;we know how that is. However, I believe that we are not headed in the rightdirection, individually and as a society, when we connect with family orfriends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, orlinking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. I suppose there is a place forthis kind of activity, but how much time are we willing to spend on it? Ifwe fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who aretruly important to us, one day we will regret it.

Stop andReflect

                Does connecting with othersprevent me from really connecting?

                Do I spend my attention wisely?

                Should I disconnect from my busylife so I can truly connect with those who are so important to me?

Boredom

                Mom, there’s nothing to do. 

How was your day? School, work, held a human brain in myhands, you know the usual. 

How do we find happiness despite the repetitive nature of whatwe do day after day?

IsaacMastie:  “Although I should be looking atthe big picture and write how grateful I am to be here, what really makes mehappy are the fun little things around me.”

BTBR / LowellBennion

                “Learn to like what doesn't cost much.
                        Learnto like reading, conversation, music.
                        Learnto like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
                        Learnto like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
                        Learnto like people, even though some of them may be different...different from you.
                        Learnto like to work and enjoy the satisfaction doing your job as well as it can bedone.
                        Learnto like the song of birds, the companionship of dogs.
                        Learnto like gardening, puttering around the house, and fixing things.
                        Learnto like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows,and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day.
                        Learnto keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikesof others.”

The Great Race

PresidentUchtdorf:  “So often we get caught up inthe illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring ushappiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the endof a challenging trial.”

Beck’s Home Entertainment System, Smith’s time in Argentina,Thomas’ hair, Katy’s chef at work, another bike

AP Biology > ACT > college grades > TFA > MCAT> research > Residency > Fellowship > More Tests > Job > CME

               

Is it true?  Can possessions and prestige bring me thehappiness I seek?  Can money buyhappiness?

Researchhas tried to answer this question.

2010, BetsyStevenson, Justin Wolfers:  U.S. per capita income,adjusted for inflation, has more than doubled since 1970, yet happiness hasdeclined.   Comparative wealth.

               

1978,Northwestern:  “Lottery winners andaccident victims: is happiness relative?”

22 lottery winners “took significantly less pleasure from aseries of mundane events: talking with a friend, watching television, eatingbreakfast, hearing a funny joke, getting a compliment, reading a magazine orbuying clothes”

One waymoney can buy happiness: give it away. "If you think money can't buy happiness,you're not spending it right."

                Michael Norton, Harvard BusinessProfessor: $5 or $20 envelopes

Amount oftime you spend volunteering/money given away is a better predictor of happinessthan wealth.  Serve in the church.

JimmyJohns

AnAmerican Grad Student was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when asmall boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were severallarge yellow fin tuna.  The Americancomplimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it tookto catch them.
The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”
The grad student then asked, “Why didn’t youstay out longer and catch more fish?”
The Mexican said, “With this I have more thanenough to support my family’s needs.”
The grad student then asked, “But what do you dowith the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fisha little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll intothe village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, Ihave a full and busy life.”
The grad student scoffed, “I am a Michigan GradStudent I and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with theproceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you couldbuy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Insteadof selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. Youwould control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leavethis small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Columbus andeventually Ann Arbor where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long willthis all take?”
To which the grad student replied, “15 to 20years.”
“But what then?” asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said that’s the bestpart. “When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stockto the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”
“Millions?…Then what?”
The grad student said, “Then you would retire.Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish alittle, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the villagein the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with youramigos.”

PresidentMonson: “Let us relish life as we liveit, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. Oneday each of us will run out of tomorrows.”

PresidentUchtdorf:  “We shouldn’t wait to be happyuntil we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—allthe time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is theday which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and beglad in it.”

If wecan’t find out how to be happy today, then it is unlikely we will findsomething in the future that will make us happy.

ComingHome from the Temple

                Spending time with my wife,serving others, not focusing on school/work for a moment and spend time wheretime is needed.

Testimony.

I love getting all dressed up for church, and cruising there on my tandem.

Spring Break

Well, it has been far too long since I wrote in this here blog.  I guess I will have to need to do some recapping.

Spring Break came early this year.  I'm not quite sure why Michigan sends there med students off on spring break long before any inkling of spring.  Plans to return back to Utah and enjoy "the greatest snow on earth" didn't materialize and Katy got the itch for home remodeling.

I've always been against home remodeling more on a matter of principle than anything else.  I lived in a number of less than ideal homes in Jamaica, and I turned out fine, and so having things up to par or great or splendid has never really been a big deal to me.  So when Katy says that we need to replace the baseboard, or paint, or put in new doors, or replace the carpet, or a new countertop, or refinish the bathtub or the list goes on, all I can say is, Why?  Do these things really affect the quality of your life?  Have you been suffering in this despicable abode of ours?

So I told Katy that she could do it herself.  She got started by pulling out the baseboards (which is left us with a pile of wood in the garage and no baseboards throughout the house).  Then Katy said she was going to start painting, at which point I rolled my eyes and thought to myself - no way you are going to find time to paint.  She works hard, goes to the gym at 6:30 every morning, always has stuff going in the evening and I just knew she would never get around to painting two bedrooms, a hallway, a stairwell, a living room, a kitchen and the ceiling.  That's a lot of work.  So she got a quote from a guy, $2300.  I said, heck no.

And then I don't know exactly how it happened, but I volunteered.  I had all of spring break wide open, and it is just somehow happened.  Katy borrowed supplies from some friends, and then we were off.  And by we I mean, I.  However, I would like to thank Josh Krogue and James Fuller for the help in the kitchen/living room and yellow room, respectively.  The hardest part was choosing colors.  You can get an 8 oz. color sample at Home Depot, and we got about 20 samples before finally deciding on 4 colors, one for each bedroom, one for the kitchen/living room and one for the door (cause I thought we needed a little more color).  So we have banana split (yellow), promenade (green), silver moon (a strange color that seems to change quite a bit based on the light) and shale gray (which I would actually call blue).

My only memories of painting are 1) painting a red barn in Victor, ID as a part of the Bennion Teton Boys Ranch (it was all red) and 2) my dad painting a couple rooms in our house growing up.  My dad has these gnarly green "painting pants" that he only wears when he paints.  There are paint splotches all over the pants, and he can point to one and say , oh that's the second bedroom in this house, and that's from that room in that apartment.  So, in an attempt to follow suit I decided to get my "painting pants" started.  However, instead of just having a little spot here are there, I threw on some nice solid streaks.  That way when I was out over spring break and people asked, oh what color are you painting? instead of having to try and explain the difference between banana split yellow and school bus yellow I could just point at my pants.

Oh, and I also replaced/painted 6 doors and all of the electrical outlets in the house.  It was fun, especially if you like painting from 8am until 2am and forgetting to eat all day, accidentally changing an outlet before turning off the circuit breaker and spending way too long trying to get those doors to fit into the door frame (for some reason a rectangle as a hard time fitting inside something that isn't quite a rectangle).

And then with all that going on, it was decided that we NEEDED to replace the carpet.  I think that the word NEED and WANT or often used in exchange for each other.  What do you mean, we need to change the carpet? We have to.  And so with replacing the carpet I decided to push for something I wanted, hardwood floors in the living room.  So hopefully this project will wind up in a month or so.

The new colors of my house, carefully recorded on my "painting pants".

My workspace.

Electrical outlets, not that cool.

Emma Mae Edwards

The miracle of life.  I remember watching that show back at Churchill Junior High.  It was little much, but I got through it.  But over these last 9 months watching my good friends go from normal > pregnant > delivery > holding a child in their arms, it really is a miracle.

Jeffrey Duke Edwards and Lizzie Edwards live over at Woodbury Estates, a luxurious retreat (or something like that).  The Duke came out to Ann Arbor the same time we got here, however he decided to get started on law school pronto as opposed to dallying around for a year like I did.  And with law school only lasting 3 years they are past their hump day.  Jeff is a fan of fun dip, popcorn, school rankings and anything that isn't a pinch in his scrot.  His sense of humor jives well with mine and we've become dear friends.  His wife, Lizzi came out a semester after Jeff cause she was finishing up some BYU school.  Without her the Duke would be a disaster.  She seems to keep the ship heading in the right direction, enjoys cutting up fruit and recently bought "the chair" that has been quite the big hit lately.

They are the first couple that I have been friends with and hanging out with during the entire course of Lizzi's pregnancy and the coming of Emma. (And notice I didn't say "they" were pregnant.  Jeff didn't do much  during those last 9 months except hope that is child would be "fit" as well as reserving the right to receive on the spot revelation should he feel Emma needs a new name at the time of her blessing.  He's not a bad guy by any means, but he definitely wasn't pregnant.)  

Emma came on Saturday morning, March 2nd at 11:37 am and weighed 8 lbs. 1 oz.  When we showed up a couple hours later Lizzi was singing the praises of her epidural, talking about the wonder it was, and Jeff was rehashing in very fine detail the time between contractions, putting scrubs on, seeing Emma's head come through and then pulling Emma out and plopping her down on his wife.  It is remarkable to me that a sperm comes cruising out of a dude, swims up the uterus turns 90 degrees at the Fallopian tube until it reaches the egg, jumps on in, then a couple days later the newly formed blastocyst implants in the lining of the uterus, starts cranking out a bunch of hormones and then snap, crackle and pop 9 months later you have a child with lungs, a heart, a nervous system, muscles, bones, a GI tract etc.  Truly the miracle of life.

A week later Emma has gotten in a couple workouts, spent a couple days out on the town, went on a walk down Main Street, lunch at Google, breakfast at Angelo's and is doing well.  In fact, her weight gain has gotten the attention of a slightly weight conscious father who is thinking about putting her daughter on a diet (cause as we all know when it comes to obesity and "the 'betes" prevention is always easier than treatment).  Jeff claims that Emma is a city girl, while Lizzi is just glad to have lost close to 20 pounds this week and has a beautiful little daughter.

Emma Mae.

Add caption

B E A U tiful family.

Jeff attends a top 10 Law School.

Sticking it the Man

Ever feel that there are too many rules in life?  Too many culturally expected norms that we all must follow?  Sometimes I just feel like stepping out and, what a counselor once told me I do too much: acting like a kid.  I like the idea or running counter current (which is why I painted part of my house pink last week, much to my wife's chagrin) and once in a while I just go with it.

Rewind to last week some time and Katy and I are at IKEA looking for some stuff.  We get to the checkout and mmm, those hot dogs.  And only $0.50.  Come on.  Unfortunately the better half of me won over and I only got 1 hot dog and a frozen yogurt.  And then we are driving home and I think to myself, I'd like some fast food.  And so I resolve to stop at EVERY fast food place on that street and order the cheapest item on the menu.  (So you might be saying, wow, pretty tough to eat a bunch of fast food.  But, it is easy to cave into a little temptation, but when did you just go to the other end of the spectrum and say, I'm just going to have it my way).  And so the journey begins.

First stop was KFC.  I like a nice fried chicken every once in awhile (I did live in the south for 2 years) but I was only buying the cheapest thing on each menu - cause I'm a student and I live on a budget.  I got the Lil Chicken sandwich, and it was pretty bad.  Bun slightly dry/burnt and the chicken was just very subpar.

About 80 yards down the street is a McDonald's so I pull into the drive thru.  I'm greeted as usual, and launch into conversation with the person behind the talking menu.  I've always enjoyed a nice conversation with the drive thru people.  I assume they have it so bad in there I might as well try and brighten things up.  The McDouble was $1 so I go for it, and take a bite.  Pretty nasty.  Too be honest, I don't know how McDonald's is still in business.

Up next was Arby's.  I love Arby's.  When I lived in Lake Village, AR Katy and I would cherish the moments when we had to drive an hour north to Pine Bluff cause they have an Arby's.  Every time I go to Arby's I tell Katy, I'm the sauce boss.  And I like ringing the bell on the way out signaling my good service.  I go with my bread and butter, the Jr. Roast Beef with lots of sauce.  Delicious.  I feel rejuvenated.

Burger King.  Burger King doesn't get much publicity.  It has always kind of floated under my radar.  In pulling around the drive thru I'm not exactly sure what I'll see on the menu, cause I don't go there often.  I decide on the Whopper Jr., assuming it seems like a safe choice.  Whoa!  The tasty burger, crunchy pickle, lettuce and tomato.  A decent helping of mustard and ketchup.  It blows the McDouble out of the water.  Again, I don't know how McDonald's is still in business.

Next is Taco Bell.  I wouldn't consider Taco Bell mexican food, but someone at the Taco Bell headquarters has been doing some science experiments and what they've come up with has yum written all over it.  Lately I've been on a Doritos Locos Tacos kick.  How can you turn down a nice taco with some nacho cheese and the aftermath of licking Doritos crumbs off your fingers?  Well, I've never turned it down.  That was a $1.29 well spent.

Then I see the combo I've been waiting for.  Wendy's - Tim Horton's.  Yeah buddy.  It's dessert time.  I close off the night with a small frosty and a maple donut.

And that is me sticking it to the man and following through on the American that I believe is within all of us.