On Sunday I spoke in sacrament meeting with the topic: True Happiness, A Conscious Decision, and given a conference talk and Mosiah 2:41 to use as a starting point. I've always enjoyed speaking in church, I know others don't, but I do. I think part of the reason I enjoy it is because I get to spend the preceding weeks brainstorming and contemplating and pondering on what I want to say, why it is meaningful, trying to connect ideas in my head and ultimately cramming all that information down into 20 minutes with enough time to tell some jokes and some stories. Preparing this talk was no different. However, being in medical school lately and accustom to the necessity of supporting facts with peer-reviewed journal articles I spent a significant amount of time studying the topic of happiness from the academic world. The most interesting thing I came across was some research done by Michael Norton, a Harvard Business Professor who has recently looked at how spending money on others leads to happiness for an individual, a community or even entire countries. This can best be summed up in this
that he gave. It is titled, How to buy happiness. The point being, don't buy anything for yourself, but buy something for someone else. It is pretty interesting.
I used a piece of this information in my talk on Sunday. Other things that I mentioned include putting away social media to better connect with those important to us, finding joy in the little things of life (summed up with Lowell Bennion's quote on Learn to Like . . .), and how righteousness leads to happiness. I started off the talk with the quick and easy line, you have to choose to be happy. From this I told the (real) story about how on Saturday I was at a pizza place getting a slice of pizza when the guy next to me in line turned to me and said, Are you a guy or a girl? It was at that moment that I was presented with the option to either choose to be happy or choose to be offended and unhappy. Because I will likely lose my talk I decided to copy it below so I can retrieve it in the future.
And to extend Dr. Norton's ideas I decided to try the same plan of spending money on others to see if I too could buy happiness. And since I was doing it with Katy I thought I would invite my seminary class to do it as well. On Monday morning I explained the whole idea a little more and then passed out $2 to each seminary student, telling them they had to spend it on someone else (not family members and preferably not close friends) by the time they returned to class the following morning. It was tougher to do than I thought. It is a rare occasion that an opportunity throughout the day arises in which you could spend a couple bucks on somebody else without it coming across as totally out of the ordinary. The entire day passed and Katy and I had yet to spend our $2. So at 9:10pm we stop by the DQ on our way home and waited for the next customer so I can buy him/her their ice cream. A guy pulls up in a nice car and so I jump out of the car and somewhat follow him up to the window. It is a bit awkward, offering to spend $2 on a guy who appears to be much better off than I am. I introduce myself to him and tell him that I would like to buy him his ice cream. At first he is pretty unsure of the whole idea, but when I reassure him that there are "no strings attached" he says, sure why not? and we have a nice little conversation. His name was John, from Florida, just moved back here 6 months ago for work. The experience made me think, when was the last time I had a conversation with a stranger? The answer, I have no idea. It's not exactly something that is human nature, to talk to people we don't know.
Katy had a similar but different experience. After DQ she still had to spend her $2 and so she went and chatted with a homeless fellow on State and Liberty. After a nice conversation she gave him just a couple bucks. What Katy primarily got out of the experience was that we go through our busy days so routinely that we often don't have much of an idea about what is going on with the people around us. She walks through downtown each day and probably sees a homeless person out each day, but like everyone else, is primarily thinking about what they have to do that day, not what others might need that day. And no fault to her at all, it's just how we are (unfortunately) wired.
This morning in seminary all of our students (only 11) shared what they did with their money. It was a funny 45 minutes where they each shared how they tried to spend their money, often times being rejected. Sabrina and Cameron gave $1 each to two of their friends, Will was on a field trip and bought some vending machine food for a classmate who missed breakfast, Noah helped a guy who was pooling some money to retrieve and impounded car, Nick spent all of lunch period trying to talk to someone he didn't know so that he could spend the money - and at first was rejected by a sophomore ( not that cool when you are a senior trying to buy someone something), Joe is planning on buying a patient something today, Isaac gave his money to the bus driver and quickly jumped off the bus so the driver couldn't give the money back to him and Taylor bought 4 cookies and gave one to 4 of his friends. All in all a good experience, something Katy and I will try to do a little more consistently during our busy time here in Ann Arbor.
Sacrament Meeting 3/24: FindingHappiness in Everyday Life
I’mClayton, she’s Katy.
Happiness:A new bike and the latest in fashion.
Story:Temple
Choose: Choose to be happy (Are you a guy or a girl?),choose to do things that bring happiness.
JosephSmith: Happiness is the object anddesign of our existence.
LeoTolstoy: If you want to be happy, be.
Declarationof Independence: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
So how canI get some of this happiness?
Will/Sabrina: “There are a lot of things that bringpleasure, but don’t necessarily make you happy. It’s hard when you actually think about what makes you happy.”
Happy: Family, the Gospel, exercising, friends, goodmusic, chocolate muffins, the Spirit, Beef Jerky, Chipotle, sleep
Unhappy: Tests, not gettingthings done, homework, when others make bad decisions, an empty wallet and gastank, unkind people, being lazy
Righteousness,Relationships, Boredom, The Great Race
Righteousness King Benjamin: “consider on theblessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God”
Home Teaching and UMMS, 5000applicants, 700 interviews, 350 offers, 175 seats, Saturday – Wednesday
Relationships – BeingConnected
1971 Email,1983 AOL, 1995 Newsweek Magazine “The Internet? Bah! Hype Alert: Why cyberspaceisn’t, and will never be, nirvana
What'smissing from this electronic wonderland? Human contact. Computers and networksisolate us from one another. While the Internet beckons brightly, seductivelyflashing an icon of knowledge-as-power, this nonplace lures us to surrender ourtime on earth. A poor substitute it is, this virtual reality where . . . . importantaspects of human interactions are relentlessly devalued.
1998Google, 1999 “blog” 2001 Wikipedia,
2003Graduation
2003MySpace, 2004 Facebook, 2005 YouTube, 2006 Twitter, 2007 SmartPhones, 2010Instagram, 2011 Google Plus (desperate)
JoshKrogue: Facebook Status, February 26 “Sittingin the study hall at U of M waiting for Whit. Right now I can see a total ofsix computer screens (including my own) and every single one is on FB. Don'tknow if the term "study hall" is appropriate...”
SeminaryStudents: An average of 3 Social mediaaccounts.
I amguilty.
Multitasking: Watch TV while checking my email, texting afriend and talking to my wife about an Instagram Post.
Communication: Katy – Gchat, Dad, email, Mom Instagram,Nephew- FaceTime. Phone? Grandparents.
School: All online? Question for a professor, get on Wikipedia.
Church: Sendingemails, studying anatomy, texting, even the dreadful Facebook
PresidentUchtdorf: Of Regrets and Resolutions
In our day it is easy to merelypretend to spend time with others. With the click of a mouse, we can “connect”with thousands of “friends” without ever having to face a single one of them.Technology can be a wonderful thing, and it is very useful when we cannot benear our loved ones. My wife and I live far away from precious family members;we know how that is. However, I believe that we are not headed in the rightdirection, individually and as a society, when we connect with family orfriends mostly by reposting humorous pictures, forwarding trivial things, orlinking our loved ones to sites on the Internet. I suppose there is a place forthis kind of activity, but how much time are we willing to spend on it? Ifwe fail to give our best personal self and undivided time to those who aretruly important to us, one day we will regret it.
Stop andReflect
Does connecting with othersprevent me from really connecting?
Do I spend my attention wisely?
Should I disconnect from my busylife so I can truly connect with those who are so important to me?
Boredom
Mom, there’s nothing to do.
How was your day? School, work, held a human brain in myhands, you know the usual.
How do we find happiness despite the repetitive nature of whatwe do day after day?
IsaacMastie: “Although I should be looking atthe big picture and write how grateful I am to be here, what really makes mehappy are the fun little things around me.”
BTBR / LowellBennion
“Learn to like what doesn't cost much.
Learnto like reading, conversation, music.
Learnto like plain food, plain service, plain cooking.
Learnto like fields, trees, brooks, hiking, rowing, climbing hills.
Learnto like people, even though some of them may be different...different from you.
Learnto like to work and enjoy the satisfaction doing your job as well as it can bedone.
Learnto like the song of birds, the companionship of dogs.
Learnto like gardening, puttering around the house, and fixing things.
Learnto like the sunrise and sunset, the beating of rain on the roof and windows,and the gentle fall of snow on a winter day.
Learnto keep your wants simple and refuse to be controlled by the likes and dislikesof others.”
The Great Race
PresidentUchtdorf: “So often we get caught up inthe illusion that there is something just beyond our reach that would bring ushappiness: a better family situation, a better financial situation, or the endof a challenging trial.”
Beck’s Home Entertainment System, Smith’s time in Argentina,Thomas’ hair, Katy’s chef at work, another bike
AP Biology > ACT > college grades > TFA > MCAT> research > Residency > Fellowship > More Tests > Job > CME
Is it true? Can possessions and prestige bring me thehappiness I seek? Can money buyhappiness?
Researchhas tried to answer this question.
2010, BetsyStevenson, Justin Wolfers: U.S. per capita income,adjusted for inflation, has more than doubled since 1970, yet happiness hasdeclined. Comparative wealth.
1978,Northwestern: “Lottery winners andaccident victims: is happiness relative?”
22 lottery winners “took significantly less pleasure from aseries of mundane events: talking with a friend, watching television, eatingbreakfast, hearing a funny joke, getting a compliment, reading a magazine orbuying clothes”
One waymoney can buy happiness: give it away. "If you think money can't buy happiness,you're not spending it right."
Michael Norton, Harvard BusinessProfessor: $5 or $20 envelopes
Amount oftime you spend volunteering/money given away is a better predictor of happinessthan wealth. Serve in the church.
JimmyJohns
AnAmerican Grad Student was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when asmall boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were severallarge yellow fin tuna. The Americancomplimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it tookto catch them.
The Mexican replied, “Only a little while.”
The grad student then asked, “Why didn’t youstay out longer and catch more fish?”
The Mexican said, “With this I have more thanenough to support my family’s needs.”
The grad student then asked, “But what do you dowith the rest of your time?”
The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fisha little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll intothe village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos, Ihave a full and busy life.”
The grad student scoffed, “I am a Michigan GradStudent I and could help you. You should spend more time fishing; and with theproceeds, buy a bigger boat: With the proceeds from the bigger boat you couldbuy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Insteadof selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor; eventually opening your own cannery. Youwould control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leavethis small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then Columbus andeventually Ann Arbor where you will run your ever-expanding enterprise.”
The Mexican fisherman asked, “But, how long willthis all take?”
To which the grad student replied, “15 to 20years.”
“But what then?” asked the Mexican.
The American laughed and said that’s the bestpart. “When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stockto the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”
“Millions?…Then what?”
The grad student said, “Then you would retire.Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish alittle, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the villagein the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with youramigos.”
PresidentMonson: “Let us relish life as we liveit, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. Oneday each of us will run out of tomorrows.”
PresidentUchtdorf: “We shouldn’t wait to be happyuntil we reach some future point, only to discover that happiness was already available—allthe time! Life is not meant to be appreciated only in retrospect. “This is theday which the Lord hath made … ,” the Psalmist wrote. “Rejoice and beglad in it.”
If wecan’t find out how to be happy today, then it is unlikely we will findsomething in the future that will make us happy.
ComingHome from the Temple
Spending time with my wife,serving others, not focusing on school/work for a moment and spend time wheretime is needed.
Testimony.